Harry Snubs a Sue
by MissMonkey91
Summary: OH NO! Harry Potter encounters a MARY SUE! What will happen! I'll tell you, SHE GETS SNUBBED! Really stupid, Slightly funny, Rated T because of the disgustingness of the Mary Sue among other things.
1. Say hello to Alice!

**MUAHAHA…I shall DESTROY THE MARY SUES!! Anywho, I hate Mary Sues so I decided to make a story with a Mary Sue that gets burned time and time again. Don't ask how I got the idea, I don't really know. By the way J.K. Rowling owns most of the characters except for my Mary Sue (I shall not tell you her name yet…I'm trying to make it stupid so don't bother flaming). I will also have stupid little notes in the story so don't flame about that either.  
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**

It was the first of September and Hogwarts students were milling around Platform 9 and ¾, some looking for old friends, some just looking for an empty compartment.

One person in particular stood out in the crowd, a Beautiful young woman with Golden hair FLOWING in the wind, Shocking blue eyes, Plump lips so red she looked like she had been drinking kool-aid, she was wearing a black mini skirt, a blood red tube top, black thigh high boots, pulling off this look without looking like a slut. The reason she stood out in the crowd was she was screaming about the bug on the ground. After this tragic incident with the bug (A/N: told ya it was weird) she boarded the train and went to find an empty compartment, sadly none were left so she would have to find a half empty one.

After searching for a whole fourteen seconds she found one with only three people in it.

Opening the door of the compartment she struck a beautiful pose and said, sounding amazingly intelligent, "hi".

"Uhhh hi?" one boy said, he looked shockingly tall even though he was sitting down, he had ebony hair, and eyes greener than the grass (A/N :HAHAHA I read this somewhere).

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" the creature sent from…somewhere, asked still standing in the same position that she had opened the door with.

"I guess not" said the girl sitting in the compartment, she was ugly. But the boy she was cuddling with was cute!! He looked tall even though he was sitting down (A/N: I'm mocking other suethors here), he had Handsomly awesome red hair (A/N : not my words), and really cute freckles!

"My name is Alice Trista Marie Pearl Noella Jade Dumbledore!" the blonde girl told them saying her name beautifully.

"umm…I'm Ron" the red haired boy said "this is Hermione" he indicated the girl "and this is Harry" the black haired boy.

"wonderful!" Alice clapped her hands together excitedly "I just KNOW we'll be friends, OH MY GOSH! This is so exciting!!" she said while glaring at Hermione.

"Um I was just wondering…" Harry said slowly "what are you doing starting Hogwarts so late, your obviously not eleven"  
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**Yes rather stupid isn't it? she's going to start getting snubbed next chapter. I felt like being stupid so I wrote this. –smiles- you know you want to review!**


	2. GRANDPA!

YAY!! Ok so I got a LOT of reviews for the last chapter…all of them good!! I'm on multiple author alert list, favorite author list, favorite story list and story alert list!! I would like to take a second to thank my wonderful reviewers

Carolquin

Craziigirl

My-Beautiful-Disaster

And-In-This-I'm-A-Rain-Cloud

Malia-Amour

If I forgot you message me or tell me in a review, I will remedy that.

I would like to point out that my title for the story came from Horton Hears a Who, except it's Harry Snubs a Sue (I was tempted to make it Harry Hates a Hoe but I thought that was over the top).

Disclaimer: as I am NOT J.K. Rowling I own NOTHING but the plot and Alice Trista Marie Pearl Noella Jade Dumbledore. Dang…why did I make her name so freakin long? Oh and by the way Dumbledore isn't dead in this story…don't argue, I won't listen.  
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"Oh I went to School in France!! I'm transferring schools! Didn't you notice my last name? it's Dumbledore! I'm Dumbledore's Granddaughter!! And no I'm not Eleven, I'm a Seventh year" Alice said with all in one breath (A/N: OK so I love both of those clichés! SO stupid)

"I had no idea Dumbledore even had a wife…" Ron said looking terribly confused

"Umm…he doesn't." Hermione whispered in his ear, she found this Alice girl rather stupid. (A/N: GASP! Sues are NEVER stupid!!).

"Right then…" Harry said changing the subject "what house are you hoping to be put in?"

"I just KNOW I'll be put in Ravenclaw, because I'm SO smart!" Alice said with shocking confidence. Hermione was glad she had been appointed Head Girl (A/N: aw shut up…you know it'll happen in book 7!) if this girl was sorted into Gryffindor she wouldn't have to share a dorm with her.

The rest of the train ride continued in this fashion, Alice saying something that confused Ron, Irritated Hermione, and made Harry change the subject. Soon they realized that they needed to change into their school robes

"Alice aren't you going to change? We're almost to Hogwarts" Hermione said.

"No I don't need to! I'm a transfer student!" she replied loftily. (A/N : 'cause transfer students NEVER have to follow the rules…)

Finally they reached Hogwarts and got into the carriages outside, Alice not following them but going up to the castle on her own. Harry looked out the window of their carriage looking up at the old castle with the glowing windows feeling at home once more.

"So what did you think of Alice?" Ron asked

"I thought she was a bit stupid really" Hermione answered "I'm glad I wont have to deal with her much"

When they reached they castle they went to the Great Hall immediately and sat at the Gryffindor table catching up with old friends.

"Did you hear there's a Transfer student?!" Parvati Patil, The schools Queen of gossip, asked Hermione from a few seats down the table.

"Yes. Actually, we met her" She replied "She rode with us the whole way here"

At that moment the Sorting started, and the first years came in through the front doors.

The sorting seemed to take forever for poor Ron, who was always hungry.

When the sorting was over Dumbledore stood up to make an announcement

"Welcome to our newest students, and to our old ones, Welcome back!" he said looking as grand as ever in his Star and Moon scattered robes

"Now I'm sure some of you know this but this year we have a new student! Please welcome our newest transfer from France!" As he was speaking the doors opened once again, showing an amazingly beautiful Alice. When she saw Dumbledore she squealed and ran through the Great Hall

"GRANDPA!!" she screamed, running at Dumbledore who looked shocked as all get out. When she reached him it was completely silent in the Hall.

"Grandpa!! Hi! How are you!!" she said excitedly (A/N: I like that word )

"My dear, I believe you are confused" Dumbledore whispered to Alice "I have no children"  
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DUN DUN DUN!!!! Gahahahaha stupid no? –smiles- next up. The sorting of Alice. Muahahaha, she THINKS she's going to Ravenclaw.

Anywho! Time for you to send in reviews!! I'll give you a cookie if you do!


	3. Authors note loves! I'm sorry!

**Note from the Author:**

Hello my loves!! OK so I am SOOO sorry for not updating. I was unjustly grounded from the computer. As of today I am working on the new chapter and I plan on updating within the next few days. Now to another subject, I would like input from the readers of this story so if you have ANY ideas please send them to me in either a message or a review.

Now I wish to take a moment to recognize my reviewers.

Carolquin

Jackalynne

Malia-Amour

The Infamous Illusions

My-Beautiful-Disaster

Fyre of the Funeral Pyre

Amy and…

KATRINA!! ) and thank you my Dahling, I'm glad you like it Katrina!

If you have anything to ask please do so! Again, I'm very sorry I didn't update as soon as I thought I would!


	4. HUFFLEPUFF!

Hello my darlings! WHOA! I sounded like Katie-Kay!! Ok so I know that I suck for getting grounded, I'm sorry!! But I'm back writing fan fiction out of popular demand.

I recognized my reviewers in my authors note so that part is covered.

I don't really have much to say other than I don't own anything but the plot and Alice.

"What?!" Alice cried "You mean I've been lied to my whole life?! NOOOOO!!!"

With that she fell to the floor with a dramatic thump, making the students in the hall laugh.

"Get off the floor girl!" McGonagall said "Your Making a Spectacle of yourself! It's time for you're sorting."

"OH MY GOSH!" Alice said jumping up from the floor "I bet I get sorted into Ravenclaw!" she said glaring at Dumbledore as if it was HIS fault her parents lied to her, her whole life.

"Sit on the stool please" Alice sat down and waited as McGonagall sat the hat on her head

"HUFFLEPUFF!" the battered old hat shouted to the room after no deliberation.

When the Sorting Hat shouted out where she would be placed Harry, Ron and Hermione Laughed. Alice Screamed.

"I CANT BE PUT IN HUFFLEPUFF!!!" she shouted "At least I get my own dorm!"

"Of course you don't get your own dormitory" McGonagall said getting irritated "You will stay with the rest of the Hufflepuffs in their house. Now go sit at your table" with that she turned grabbed the stool the Sorting Hat was sitting and took both the hat and stool out of the room.

As Alice walked to the Hufflepuff table she got stares from all around the room, most likely because she looked horrible after sobbing on the floor, or maybe because earlier she threw a tantrum and threw herself on the floor. The world may never know.

As she reached the Hufflepuff She saw Ernie Macmillan and went to sit next to him.

"Hi! I'm Alice, I'm new here!" she said, forgetting Dumbledore introduced her "Can you show me to the Hufflepuff Dormitory? Your cute!!" she batted her eyelashes like every self respecting girl would (A/N: PSH! Whatever!).

"Uhh..I'm Ernie and no I can't show you to the Dormitory" he said looking scared "Umm…Thanks? Yeah bye!" with that he ran away and went to sit with Susan Bones.

After dinner everyone started to leave the Great Hall and Alice was left to her own devices, she had to get through Hogwarts on her own. After several hours of searching and help from the Fat Fryer she made it to the Hufflepuff dormitory entrance only to realize she didn't have the password to the painting on the wall. So, like any sane person she knocked.

"LET ME IN!! I'M ALICE TRISTA MARIE PEARL NOELLA JADE DUMBLEDORE! YOU CANT LOCK ME OUT OF MY DORMITORY!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

After she shouted this the portrait opened and Ernie Macmillan stuck his head out and said "Wanna bet?" and promptly closed the portrait, which happened to be of a pretty little unicorn prancing in a field of…FIRE! (A/N: and you thought you had me marked)

So poor little Alice (A/N: Yeah, whatever) Spent the whole night running from the Bloody Baron and Peeves the Poltergeist. Finally she managed to fall asleep outside a door somewhere she could only assume was the dungeons. In the morning she awoke to…

"What's this? A student out of bed? Wake up girl! Asleep outside my classroom…Sprout will certainly be upset that its one of HER'S"

Like, OMG! I wonder who it is?! Why the HECK did I make her name so long?! It takes forever to type! And how did you manage to make it to my finishing notes? I thought you would be to bored with the story to continue reading! Now review and don't bother flaming, it's pointless because I don't give a crap.


	5. Teenagers, Fire, and Breakfast!

Hello all! I'm back!! Did you miss me? All-righty I wanted to say I haven't gotten ANY flames on this story (mostly because I CLAIMED it was stupid from the start). I also wanted to say Alice isn't just a dork…she's just plain STUPID (hahaha I love my reviewers…). Now this is just a bunch of drabble I came up with this morning

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot…I don't even own the song Snape sings (oh how I wish I did…)  
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"But Professor Snape!! I couldn't get into my dormitory last night!! Couldn't you just let me go? It wont happen again!" tried using her Mary Sue charms on Snape who was currently taking her up to Professor Sprout's office while humming.

"Well then you should have gone to your Head of House. and no, I cannot just 'let you go'" he said with a sneer, and then he continued humming leaving Alice shocked that her charms didn't work

"Professor? What are you humming?" Alice asked, it sounded familiar.

"It is a muggle song called 'Teenagers' by a band called My Chemical Romance" he said sounding frustrated that she once again was talking "The lyrics intrigue me"

With that said he started singing it and soon everyone would start to realize, Hogwarts had gone nutty.

"Teenagers scare the living s out of me!

They could care less as long as someone'll bleed!

So darken your clothes, or strike a violent pose.

Maybe they'll leave you alone but not me…"

he sang trailing off into humming again. They just continued walking.

Soon they reached Professor Sprouts office and Alice walked in and got yelled at and detention for a week.

Lessons started that day so Alice went up to her dormitory to get ready but once again stopped at the pretty picture realizing she STILL didn't have the password! And worse yet…THE UNICORN WAS ON FIRE!!! She didn't know why though!

"WHY IS MY LIFE SO CRUEL?!" she screeched, falling dramatically to the floor

"YOUR life is cruel? I'm on fire!" the unicorn said from inside the painting.

"aw shut up…"

"well don't go yelling about life being cruel, someone might light you on fire!" the unicorn said wisely.

"now THERE'S an idea!" Hannah Abbot said coming out of the Portrait hole and promptly closing it so that Alice couldn't get in, she then ran away laughing (A/N: who knew Hufflepuffs had it in them to be so cruel? Muahaha)

After her run in with Hannah, Alice decided to just wear her clothes from the night before, which everyone noticed moments after she entered the Great Hall for breakfast thanks to Parvati Patil(A/N: I freaking HATE it when people mess up her name, they always say Parvarti! I don't get it!) and Lavender Brown.

She went over to the Hufflepuff table to find a place to sit and eat breakfast and, like ANY girl would, went straight to where the boys were sitting (A/N: HA any mary sue at least!)

"Would you mind my sitting with you?" she asked batting her eyelashes at the nearest boy. They just looked at each other and in one voice said…

"Yes" and moved closer together. (A/N: ouch BURN!!!! I guess she's not that great of a mary sue muahaha)

"FINE!" she yelled "I'll just GO then!" and with that stormed out of the Great Hall in search of the kitchens.

Yup! I'm leaving it there!! I know, I know, that's mean. Anywho, I wanted to say thank you to my reviewers even though I cant remember who you are right now. I also wanted to say…HARRY POTTER CAME OUT TODAY!!!!!! YAY!!!! Ok I'm done. Next chapter is gonna be funnier I PROMISE. Next Chapter: Alice finds the kitchens and discovers "nasty dirty ew things!!", Alice enters Hufflepuff tower and, has a pillow fight.


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